


Paper Snow and Glitter Trees

by elderkevinmckinley



Series: A Merry McPriceley Christmas [1]
Category: The Book of Mormon - Ambiguous Fandom, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Connor is emotionally mature, Connor tries to help Kevin let out his feelings, Depressed Kevin (but there's a reason), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Except Kevin's mother isn't at the airport when Kevin leaves for Uganda, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Kevin is an emotional mess, Kevin starts out as kind of a dick but he gets better, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Playful Connor, Slice of Life, mcpriceley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-03-02 01:37:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13307670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elderkevinmckinley/pseuds/elderkevinmckinley
Summary: It's the Elders' first holiday season spent in Uganda and everyone is feeling cheerful except for Kevin Price. Little do the Elders know, he's holding in a tragic secret that's causing him to act out. Connor tries to help Kevin open up about his feelings, but it's a task that's easier said than done.





	Paper Snow and Glitter Trees

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This idea was originally supposed to be for just a little holiday ficlet but it somehow morphed into a full-length fic!
> 
> As always, I truly appreciate you reading, leaving kudos, and especially commenting on my fics.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

The idea for this fic and it's themes are based on a (really old) song called “ _It’s Only a Paper Moon_ ”.

*

 _It is only a paper moon_  
_Hanging over a cardboard sea_  
_But it wouldn't be make believe_  
_If you believe in me_

*

It was one week until Christmas.

It was about to be the Elders’ first Christmas spent in Uganda and, for Kevin Price, it just didn’t feel like Christmas at all. The air was dry and hot. The dirt was brown and arid. The trees were all de-leafed and near death. The sun beat down on them with the intensity of a Utah July.

Kevin sat languidly on the couch, head leant back in despair, watching on as an all-too-chipper Arnold helped Chris and James hang their “Christmas stockings” off a nearby window. The Elders couldn’t find any genuine Christmas stockings at the market so they resorted to decorating some old socks (washed first, of course) in glitter and paper cut-outs. That had been Connor’s novel idea. All of the Elders had a blast decorating their socks—well, except for Kevin. Kevin huffed and moaned about how it was silly and how none of Connor’s lame, makeshift inventions could  _really_ make it feel like Christmas—at least, not like any normal Christmas he’d ever had back home.

Connor forced Kevin to make a stocking anyway and, under protest, the brunette decorated his sock in lumps of paper coal. Connor ignored Kevin as he tried to show off his stocking to the group, not wanting to encourage his self-pity any further. Connor McKinley had a great big soft spot in his heart for Elder Kevin Price (ahem— _crush_ ), but even Connor had just about had it up to  _here_  with the boy’s negative attitude as of late.

For Kevin, no matter how many things Connor had them cover in glitter, it just didn’t _feel_ like Christmas. There was no snow, no family, no familiar scents of hot cocoa and pine.

And, for Kevin, there were the tragic memories of what had transpired last Christmas.

 _Last Christmas_ …

Kevin took in a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment to try and force the negative thoughts out of his mind. He’d been trying _so_ hard not to think about it—about what happened to his family last Christmas, but it was nearly impossible not to. The thoughts, the memories, the pain—they just wouldn’t leave Kevin alone, not even for a second.

“Hey, buddy.” Arnold walked over to Kevin, jolting the latter boy from his inner thoughts. The chubbier boy leaned in to give his best friend a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “We’re going out to find a Christmas tree in a little bit. Wanna come with us?”

“Uh, if you haven’t noticed, there aren’t any pine trees around here, Arnold.”

“Duh, I  _know_  that. We’re gonna have to get a little _creative_ here, Kev.” He clarified, play-slapping his best friend on the arm. “Come on, dude, it’ll be fun. We’re all gonna bring iced cocoa with us and hold hands together and sing Christmas carols and—”

“No, thanks.” Kevin responded flatly, cutting his best friend off. His fingers absentmindedly picked threads out of the couch cushion in frustration. “Sorry, Arn. It’s just not the same as getting a real Christmas tree, you know? You guys go on without me; I’ll be fine here.”

It was then that Connor came bounding out of his bedroom, his face all smiles, his freckled cheeks blossomed pink and radiant. If there was one thing Connor McKinley loved more than anything (okay, anything other than tap dancing and crafting and baking), it was Christmastime.

He was done up entirely from head to toe in his handmade Christmas garb (aka glitter, glitter and more glitter). He had on a tee shirt that he’d decorated himself with a sparkling green glitter tree on the front and tiny little red sequin gift boxes surrounding the trunk. He even had on a charm bracelet he’d made, dazzled with itsy bitsy clay candy canes.

As he passed by Kevin sulking on the couch, Connor reached down and grabbed him by the arms, forcibly yanking him up.

“You’re coming with us, Kevin.” The redhead commanded simply as he attempted to pull the taller boy towards the door.

Kevin ripped himself roughly from Connor’s grasp, muttering something incoherent, but probably slanderous, under his breath, and flopped back down onto the couch with a thud.

“Is this how you plan on acting all week, Kevin Price? Because, honestly, we’re all getting a little sick and tired of it.” Connor chastised, offering his hand back out to Kevin once more, silently asking him to take it. “Get up, Kevin. You’re coming with us to pick out a Christmas tree whether you like it or not and, yes, that _is_  an order from your District Leader.”

“We’re not a real district anymore so that literally means nothing.” Kevin retaliated, scooching his body farther back so he was laying down on the couch now. “You guys better hurry so you can grab the best dry, broken stick before somebody else does.” He snapped, averting his eyes away from the redhead.

“You’re being a child, Elder Price.” Connor reprimanded, using Kevin’s formal title. Even though they were technically all still “Elders” in the new Church of Arnold, they’d pretty much stopped using the formal title at home.

Connor grabbed Kevin’s hands again, trying to pull the brunette back up. Kevin groaned loudly in protest, but allowed it nonetheless.

“You’re coming with us to cut down the tree or we’re kicking you out of the Secret Santa. Is that what you want, Kevin? To wake up on Christmas morning without any gifts?” Connor threatened, eliciting quiet _ooohhhs_ from the other Elders.

Kevin’s cheeks went hot as he overheard James Church and Chris “Pop-Tarts” Thomas snickering quietly behind him. Kevin grit his teeth together. He may not have had much Christmas spirit about him this year, but that didn’t mean he wanted to miss out on _presents_. God, no. He was still… _Kevin_.

“Fine, but you can’t make me have fun.” Kevin reluctantly agreed, smoothing out his pants with his hands and walking towards the door. Turning back around, he glared back at Arnold. “And I am _not_  singing any Christmas carols.”

His overly cheerful best friend had been trying to get him to sing Christmas carols with him for the past two weeks and it was getting on Kevin’s last nerve.

“Fair enough.” Connor agreed, trying to hold back a triumphant smirk, not without giving Arnold a sly wink as they headed out the door.

 

* * *

 

“Guys, I think I found one!” James exclaimed, waving the group of boys over to his direction. “Look, this one still has most of its leaves on!” He cried out in joy, as though that was some sort of great feat.

“ _Look, this one still has most of it’s leaves on!_ ” Kevin mimicked James’s excitement in a mocking baby voice, to no one other than himself.

“That was unnecessary.” Connor said quietly to Kevin as he strolled next to the rather sullen boy.

“This entire thing is unnecessary.” He muttered under his breath. “Not to mention ridiculous.”

They’d already stopped at no less than fifty trees thus far without any of them being deemed “fit” enough to be their sad, pathetic Christmas tree. Kevin was beyond hot at this point.  His shirt was entirely soaked through from sweat and all he wanted to do was go home, take a long shower and go straight to bed. He’d found himself going to sleep a lot earlier lately and struggling to wake up in the morning, ever since December had rolled around a couple of weeks prior.

Connor playfully bumped his hip into Kevin’s side as though it were on accident, linking his arm confidently through the taller man’s as he did so. “If you don’t stop acting like a snarky ass, Kevin Price, I’m putting you on baking duty with me _all_ day tomorrow.”

“Baking duty?”

“For the Christmas cookies, dummy.” Connor beamed, giving the boy’s arm a squeeze. Kevin just groaned in response as his friend continued to drag him down the hill towards the tree.

Connor continued on as though he hadn’t heard. “You know, I managed to find ingredients at the market the other day to make snicker doodles, sugar cookies  _and_ gingerbread cookies!” He boasted, quite proud of his accomplishment.

It wasn’t exactly easy to find those kinds of ingredients around these parts, so he thought he’d done quite well considering the circumstances.

“Oooh, and I almost forgot! We also have ingredients to make double-chocolate chocolate chip brownies too. I know _you’re_ gonna love them—they’re my great-grandma’s recipe and they’re extra chocolate-y.” He beamed happily, bravely hip-checking Kevin’s side once more.

“Of course they are.” The other boy muttered, clearly unimpressed.

Connor furrowed his brow. He didn’t understand why Kevin would be grumbling over _brownies_ of all things—Connor knew damn well that the tall brunette walking beside him was practically a chocoholic. He had no idea why Kevin was acting so disinterested in baking, but he knew one thing was for certain: Kevin Price loved himself some sweets, _especially_ chocolate.

“Don’t tell me you don’t like  _Christmas cookies_ , Kevin.” Connor scoffed, giving Kevin’s arm a playful tug. “I’d like to think I know you better than that by now.”

“I love Christmas cookies.” Kevin admitted softly before he could stop himself.

Connor halted their quick sprint towards the tree so he could look into Kevin’s eyes for a moment, but instead of allowing it, the brunette just gruffly removed his arm from McKinley’s and stormed off down the rest of the hill.

Connor gazed curiously at Kevin’s back before heading down as well to inspect the prospective Christmas tree.

He took a moment to size it up.

“Hmmm, it’s nice.” Connor confirmed as he ran a hand over the tree trunk. “A little tall, but I suppose it’ll have to do. It’s the best one we’ve seen all day. What do you guys think?” He asked, turning back around to face the group to get the consensus. “Good?”

Chris, James, Arnold and the other Elders all agreed the tree would have to do. Every other tree they’d looked at was either too sparse or on the brink of death. The only issue was that this tree was just a bit too tall.

Connor handed the snipping tool to Kevin. “Will you do the honors?” He asked Kevin with a smirk, prodding him to cut off the tip of the tree.

“Why me?” Kevin scowled, wanting more than anything to just get this over with and go home.

“You’re the tallest one here. It only makes sense.” Connor answered simply, giving Kevin a gentle shove towards the tree. “Now get cutting.”

On their way home, the boys all took turns carrying the tree. It wasn’t very heavy—the hut was just very far.

They all sang Christmas carols together as they trudged through the arid dirt road. Connor and Arnold kept on trying to get Kevin to sing along with them while Kevin kept trying his damnedest not to accidentally start singing.

The brunette kept on telling himself over and over again that he didn’t want to sing (even though he kind of did) and he _certainly_  didn’t want to admit to himself that Connor’s melodic singing voice was actually sort of pleasing to his ears.

 

* * *

 

It was six days until Christmas now.

“Yoo hoo! Wakey-uppy, Kev.” Connor chirped in Kevin’s ear the following morning as he gently tousled the boy’s hair. Connor had only touched Kevin’s hair a few times before—always just in jest. Kevin prided himself a great deal on his perfectly-shaped, wavy brown hair and hated whenever people would mess it all up. So, naturally, Connor kind of got his rocks off from messing it up. Well, that and the fact that running his fingers through those soft, silky locks felt absolutely _heavenly_.

“Come on, wake up, sleeping beauty.” Connor tried again, this time with a quick yank of Kevin’s blanket.

Kevin groaned as he felt the blanket being abruptly taken from him. As he opened his eyes to see what kind of insanity was going on, he found himself staring up at a very awake, very perky,  _very_  persistent Connor McKinley.

Startled at this strange development, Kevin glanced at the clock sitting on his nightstand— _six-thirty_  in the morning?  _What the_ —?

“What the Hell are you doing?” Kevin barked as he angrily grabbed the blanket from Connor’s grip, pulling it back over him where it belonged. “The sun’s not even up yet. Go back to bed, Connor.”

“Shhh, keep your voice down or you’ll wake up Arnold.” Connor whispered softly. “Now, get up, mister.” He reached down and mussed Kevin’s hair up before yanking the blanket off of him once more. “It’s cookie time!”

“What are you talking about? What’s cookie time?” Kevin’s eyes were bleary, his face worn and tired. This was literally the last thing he wanted to be dealing with right now. Still, he sat up in his bed anyway just so he could properly stare at Connor as though he’d lost his goddamned mind.

“The  _Christmas_  cookies, Kevin.” Connor grinned expectantly. “I told you yesterday, remember?”

Kevin moaned in response and plopped back down into the bed. “I already told you, I don’t  _want_  to bake any Christmas cookies with you, Connor. Please, just let me go back to sleep, okay? I’m begging you.”

Connor just playfully ripped the blanket off of him again, eliciting a low growl from Kevin, who was ardently trying to pull his blanket back down over him now. Despite the growl being somewhat disturbing, Kevin’s pouty, childlike face and messy bedhead made him look positively endearing to Connor.

“Give it back! This is mine— _mine_ , give it back!” Kevin whisper-yelled as he tugged on the blanket, trying to free it from Connor’s grip. “ _Let. Go!_ ”

“Not a chance.”

“Gosh, you are _freakishly_ strong.” Kevin muttered in bewilderment.

Connor just smirked haughtily as he tugged harder on the blanket, trying desperately to win their spontaneous game of tug-o-war.

“And you’re not as strong as I thought you’d be, Kevin Price.” Connor teased as he gave the blanket a harder pull.

“Give it to me!” Kevin let out a rather loud grunt as he tried harder to get it back.

Connor’s grin got even bigger—stupidly big, in fact—once he’d successfully managed to yank the blanket out of the other man’s hands completely.

Slightly out of breath now from the unexpected workout, Connor continued his prodding. “I told you already—if you didn’t stop acting like a snarky ass, you’d be put on cookie duty, didn’t I? You didn’t stop, in fact it’s gotten _worse_ , so…here we are.”

Connor wasn’t really trying to punish him. After all, the redhead had a pretty awful crush on Kevin and he honestly just wanted to spend some time alone with him. It just so happened that Kevin’s recent behavior provided the _perfect_ excuse. There was also the fact that Connor McKinley desperately wanted to get to the bottom of whatever _this_ was that was making Kevin act even more…well, more _Kevin_ than usual.

Kevin had been acting despondent and closed off lately, even to Arnold Cunningham, his best friend in the whole world. Connor thought maybe spending some alone time together—talking, laughing, and baking Christmas cookies—might help Kevin open up a little about whatever was bothering him. The boy’s recent behavior had Connor more than a bit worried. Connor McKinley may not have been a _real_ District Leader anymore, but caring about these boys was still in his blood. And, although he would never admit it, maybe he cared about Kevin Price just a _smidgen_ more than the rest of them. Just a smidgen.

Kevin could tell by the gleeful look in Connor’s eyes that he wasn’t angry or upset with him. Not even a little bit. Then why did he insist on _torturing_ him like this?

Kevin sighed. “Look, I know I’ve been acting like a dick lately but I really don’t feel like making cookies right now, okay?” He pleaded, still trying to reach for the blanket Connor was holding up away from him. “Give that back to me, Connor. It’s mine.”

“What if I told you I just made a whole pot of fresh coffee _just_ for you?” Connor tried to entice him, his tone of voice bordering on flirtatious. “That’s a lot of caffeine, Kevin, and it’s  _all_  just sitting in the kitchen waiting for you to come drink it.”

Connor hated coffee and thought it tasted absolutely foul, but he knew Kevin had a weakness for the addictive, black liquid. “Come on, you _know_ you want it.”

Kevin _did_ want the coffee, that much was true. But, still, he resisted. “You can’t make me get up, Connor, so just go away, alright? I’m not in the mood for games right now.”

Connor tossed the blanket to the floor and stepped a little closer to the bed.

“What’s been going on with you lately, Kevin? You’ve been acting depressed and moody for over two weeks now and I’m starting to get a little worried about you. I mean, I know it has something to do with not wanting to be here during the holidays, but that’s what we all signed up for, isn’t it?” He attempted to reason with Kevin. “We all have to just make the best of it, that’s all. Surely you can do that.”

Kevin chose to just roll over and curl up in his bed, without his blanket, so he could face away from Connor’s concerned gaze.

“That isn’t the only reason.” Kevin mumbled under his breath after a brief pause, Connor not able to make out a word he was saying.

“I mean, when you really think about, it isn’t so bad here, is it? We have food and water and shelter. We’re helping to make a difference in these peoples’ _lives_.” Connor paused for a moment before tentatively adding. “And we, um—we have each other.” He swallowed hard, his face flushing a light shade of pink. “Don’t we?”

“I _said_ , that isn’t the only reason.” Kevin repeated tersely, a bit louder this time so Connor could hear him.

Despite the annoyance in his voice, the other boy still sounded much too timid for the over-confident missionary Connor knew to be Elder Kevin Price.

No, Kevin’s voice sounded quiet— _too_  quiet—soft, even. He rarely heard his friend’s voice sound so meek. Something was definitely going on inside Kevin’s head and Connor McKinley was aching to get to the bottom of it.

“Well, why don’t you tell me all about it while we bake Christmas cookies, alright? I’m sure it’ll make you feel better.” The redhead offered softly.

When he received no response, he tentatively sat down at the edge of Kevin’s bed near the boy’s legs. Leaning over, he rested a comforting hand onto Kevin’s shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Listen, I know you’re kind of a private person and all and you don’t really like talking about your feelings and things like that, but I think you’ll find I’m a pretty decent listener.” Connor assured in a gentle voice. He rubbed soft, little circles into Kevin’s shoulder with his palm, trying to comfort him.

Kevin flinched at first upon feeling Connor’s hand touch his shoulder, but he didn’t push him away. The sensation felt strange and foreign to Kevin, but not _bad_ exactly. Just different. Very different.

Connor was quiet for a moment, his eyes pensive as though he was considering saying something more on the subject. Whatever it was, the other boy would never get to find out.

“I don’t want to talk anymore.” Kevin finally whispered softly into his pillow after a while. “Can you please just leave me alone?”

“I’m just trying to _help_ you, Kevin.” Connor insisted, his eyes gleaming with a hint of sadness now. “I’m just trying to help you, that’s all I’m trying to do.”

“Is _that_ was this is supposed to be _? Help_?” Kevin suddenly shot up from his laying position to face Connor again. He looked exasperated and tired. “All you guys have been doing is nagging me to death for days. ‘Kevin, do this’, ‘Oh come on, Kevin, it’ll be fun’, ‘Why do you have to be such a party pooper, Kevin?’”

He spouted off the many things the other Elders had been saying to him as of late. “Can’t you get it through your _thick_ head that I don’t _want_ to do any of your fake Christmas bullshit, Connor? I hate it. I hate _all_ of it. I don’t _want_ to decorate that bare hunk of wood you guys are all calling a Christmas tree. I don’t _want_ to dump a bunch of glitter on a sock and call it a fucking stocking and I  _definitely_ ** _don’t_** _want_ to bake any Christmas cookies with you. So can you please just  _leave me alone_  and stop trying to…’ _help’_?” He shouted and, without thinking, found himself making air quotes at the mention of  _help_.

As soon as the words left his mouth, Kevin was already regretting ever saying them. He’d crossed a line and he knew it. He _knew_ it. He  _knew_  it but he just couldn’t help it.

The hurt that washed over Connor’s face at the harsh words caused Kevin’s heart to sink immediately and a barrage of guilt and negative thoughts began flooding his mind.

 _Crap_.

“Fine.” Connor spoke quietly in a dejected tone of voice as he stood up slowly, removing a trembling hand from Kevin’s shoulder. “If you don’t want to tell me what’s really going on with you, that’s just fine, Kevin. You can go ahead and spend Christmas being alone and miserable, if that’s what you want. I’m done trying to ‘ _help’_.”

Connor made sure to enunciate his last word with air quotes, making Kevin feel as though someone had just stabbed him straight through the heart.

He knew Connor’s intentions were good and that everything he was trying to do for Kevin was coming from a place of concern. Kevin just had a knack for being an asshole sometimes and he darn well knew it.

 _Crap_.

Kevin opened his mouth to say something else, to say how  _sorry_ he was, to say how sorry he was a million times over, but found that nothing would come out. Too late, anyway—Connor was already on his way out the door.

Connor managed to hold back the flood of tears that were threatening to burst out of his eyes as he silently walked out of the room, gently closing the door behind him as to not startle the still-snoozing Arnold. How Arnold had managed to sleep through the loudest of noises, Connor would never know.

Kevin covered his face in his hands, fresh tears falling down his cheeks now, and flopped back onto the bed with a sad moan. He’d managed to hurt one of the only people in the house, besides Arnold, that he could honestly call a friend.

Somehow, Kevin’s shittiest Christmas ever was rapidly turning shittier by the minute and it was all his own fault.

 

* * *

 

“Knock, knock.” Kevin called out quietly, gently tapping the wood of the flimsy door to their little kitchen. He hesitantly stuck his head half-way into the room and, soon enough, his eyes found Connor. The redhead was facing away from Kevin, hunched over their tiny stove, staring down at some brown dough on a cookie sheet.

“Can I come in?” Kevin asked softly, his voice unsure. He honestly half-expected Connor to turn around and start yelling at him for acting like such an asshole.

But, of course, Connor didn’t yell. Connor never yelled.

Connor turned around and gazed at Kevin for a moment. Kevin could see the other boy’s eyes were red and blotchy—the outer rims, swollen and puffy. But, most of all, they just looked _sad_.

A sharp breath hitched in the brunette’s throat at the sight. He knew he’d hurt Connor, but he didn’t realize he’d actually made him… _cry_. The pain evident in Connor’s eyes was breaking Kevin’s heart into a hundred tiny bits and pieces and all he wanted to do was run over and pull the other boy into a great big hug. But, of course, he refrained.

“It’s a free country, isn’t it?” Connor finally replied dryly, turning back around to face the stove.

“No, not really.” Kevin replied with a head shake and a wry smile.

Connor was mad at Kevin and wanted him to know it, so he just responded evenly, keeping his eyes focused on the sheet full of cookie dough in front of him.

“What do you want, Kevin?”

“I want to, um—“, Kevin fidgeted with his hands as he nervously darted his eyes around the kitchen.

_I want to say I’m sorry. I want to apologize to you and dry your tears and bake cookies with you and give you a great big bear hug. I want to try and enjoy Christmas this year even though it’s going to be damn near impossible. I know I’ve been acting like a dick and that you’ve just been trying to help me and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Connor._

But he couldn’t say those words, could he? No, of course not, because the truth was: Kevin Price was absolutely _awful_ at apologies, probably because he’d never had much practice at making them.

Kevin looked around the room and noticed the partially opened bags of flour resting on the countertop and several other ingredients scattered about everywhere. Kevin shifted back and forth in place for a moment, digging his toes so far into his shoes that they’d begun to hurt. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

“I want to—I want to help you, um…bake—bake the Christmas cookies?” He kind of asked instead of stated.

When Kevin finally opened his eyes after the silence went on for just a bit too long, he found Connor staring at him with curious eyes.

“You—you do?”

“Yeah.” Kevin felt his shoulders finally relax just a bit as he attempted to give Connor his warmest smile possible. “Yeah, I do. I really do.”

“Well, um. Okay, I guess.” Connor swallowed nervously and pointed to the little table in the middle of the room. “The, uh, the recipe for the sugar cookies is over there on the table. Why don’t you start on those first?” The redhead instructed evenly, immediately looking away from Kevin and back down to his bowl of gingerbread mix.

Kevin gazed longingly at the full pot of coffee just sitting on the counter near Connor. He bravely slid over next to Connor and gestured to the coffee pot sheepishly. “Uh…do you mind if I get some—?”

Connor just rolled his eyes in response and turned back to his dough.

 _Ugh, the silent treatment_. Kevin hated the silent treatment. He’d gotten more than enough of that from his parents growing up.

Kevin sighed sadly and poured himself a steaming hot cup of black coffee, blowing on it slightly to help it cool. He closed his eyes as he took in the first sip of the day, lingering in the moment a little longer than necessary.

When he finally opened his eyes, he found Connor glaring at him in annoyance, waiting for him to move out of his way.

“Right! Sugar cookies, okay.” Kevin nodded, hastily skipping over to the table with the sugar cookie recipe and immediately getting to work mixing the ingredients and prepping the dough.

The next twenty minutes or so went by in silence, Connor not really feeling up to chit-chatting with Kevin just yet. He expected that Kevin wouldn’t know the first thing about making cookies and that at any moment would be forced to ask Connor for help. But the minutes continued to go by and Connor waited for it…and waited for it…and waited for it.

But much to Connor’s surprise, Kevin seemed to know _exactly_ what he was doing in the kitchen and before Connor could even get his gingerbread cookies into the oven, Kevin had already started baking the sugar cookies.

“That was—surprising.” Connor admitted softly as he watched Kevin speedily clean up after popping the sugar cookies into the oven. Connor’s brow was furrowed in confusion as he watched Kevin move on to the next batch of sugar cookies with ease.

Kevin just gave him a half-smile and humble shrug before going to work on the next round of dough.

Connor wasn’t going to let him off the hook that easily though. “Did you bake a lot of cookies growing up or something?” He asked curiously as he moved to Kevin’s side of the kitchen. “You did that like it was nothing.”

“Oh, um, well, only at Christmastime, with my—with my mom.” Kevin divulged to Connor with a hard swallow. The word felt strangely foreign to Kevin’s tongue these days,  _ever since_ —

Kevin sighed with a sad shrug and continued his thought. “I was always so busy with sports and school and church stuff that the only time we ever really got to bake together was at Christmastime.” Kevin’s lips curled up into a small, nostalgic smile as he began kneading the second ball of dough. “She’d always save me a small bowl of just the cookie dough so I could eat it raw. But I’d go through that within the first hour and then spend the rest of the time sneaking bits of dough from all the different cookies.” He laughed at the memory before glancing up at Connor. “Do you like cookie dough?”

Connor didn’t miss the small gleam of sadness that flashed through Kevin’s eyes as he recounted the memory.

The redhead shrugged nonchalantly, trying to still at least _pretend_ to be mad at Kevin. He knew his resolve was weakening though. “Yeah, of course. Who doesn’t like cookie dough?”

Kevin smiled mischievously as he took a spoon and scooped out a giant glob of sugar cookie dough and placed it front of Connor’s mouth to tempt him. “Open up.”

Connor just rolled his eyes and shook his head at Kevin’s antics. “I’m not a little kid, Kevin.”

“It doesn’t matter how old you are. Everyone likes cookie dough, remember?” Kevin reminded him with a wicked grin. He forcefully shoveled the spoonful of sweet, raw cookie dough into his friend’s mouth with a spirited laugh. Letting his guard down, Connor eagerly accepted the mouthful of cookie dough with gusto.

“Good?” Kevin asked knowingly. Of _course_ it was good. Cookie dough was always good.

Connor nodded, laughing with his mouth full.

“Suh god.” He mumbled through the giant bite. “Um sawwy oo won bable to bek cockies with yer mom dis Cirmas, Kebin.” Connor managed to mumble out through the large glob of cookie dough still in his mouth.

“You might wanna chew that first.” Kevin teased with a wink.

Connor blushed bright red and lifted a hand to his mouth to hide the cookie dough remnants that were falling out of mouth. “Sawwy.”

Kevin felt his own cheeks begin to heat up just a little. He quite liked the way Connor McKinley looked like that—bright red in the face from embarrassment and a mouth full of cookie dough—but he wasn’t sure why exactly. He usually thought it was gross when people chewed with their mouths open, but as he gazed at Connor, amused, he couldn’t help but think it was the most adorable sight he’d ever seen.

After a few more chews, Connor was finally able to fully swallow the mound of dough and try again.

“I said—I’m sorry you won’t be able to bake cookies with your mom this Christmas, Kevin.” Connor repeated clearly.

Kevin looked taken aback at the sentiment, his eyes widening a bit at Connor’s words. Connor thought he looked a bit dumbfounded but wasn’t sure why.

“You know, being here in Uganda and all.” Connor clarified with a gentle pat to the other boy’s shoulder.

“Oh…yeah, um—”, Kevin waved him off and twisted around on his heels. “It’s fine, Connor, really. I’m fine.”

“Is that why you didn’t want to help me with the cookies? Because it’s not the same as doing it with your mom at Christmas?” Connor asked tentatively, knowing Kevin always got uncomfortable with conversations like this about his feelings and stuff.

The happy twinkle in Kevin’s eyes dimmed at Connor’s words. The brunette silently moved back over to the table where the next batch of sugar cookies were waiting to be molded, evading Connor’s question.

Sighing sadly and knowing that Kevin would probably never open up to him, Connor moved back over to his own side of the kitchen as well and leaned over the counter to continue his own batch of cookies. He knew their little moment of happiness was over now.

“So what do you miss the most about being back home?” Kevin asked suddenly after a few minutes went by. “I mean, I know we all miss hot water and bagels and working toilets and all that. I mean, what do you miss the most about this time of year?”

Connor’s heart skipped a beat as he turned around, abandoning his work in favor of talking to Kevin. The brunette lifted his head from his work and gave Connor a small smile, letting him know everything was okay.

“Oh, um. Well, I guess what I miss most of all would be the, uh…the snow, I guess?” Connor decided after giving it a moment’s thought. “I’d always go sleigh riding with my little brothers and sisters around Christmastime. Usually my dad would take us all ice skating out on the lake too and we’d pack a picnic and have it in the snow. The sandwiches would always get frozen solid, but we didn’t care.”

“You’re the oldest?” Kevin asked, turning to face Connor with a knowing smile.

“Yeah, I’m the oldest out of five.” Connor replied, his smile faltering a bit once he noticed the amused smirk on Kevin’s face. “What’s so funny about that?” He scowled and walked over to Kevin.

“Nothing. It just makes a lot of sense, that’s all.” Kevin replied knowingly, a hidden smile dancing over his lips, eliciting a scrunched brow from Connor.

“How so?”

“Well, you’re always bossing us around, for one.” Kevin jested, holding up his hands defensively when he saw Connor’s eyes widen, flaring up. “No no,  _not_ in a bad way.” He laughed. “Not in a bad way. I just meant, you’re—you’re really good at…you know, taking care of us and all. Well, us and everything else around here. You’re just very…”, he tried to think of the right words to properly describe Connor McKinley. “You’re like the kid who always wants to be the group leader on school projects, you know? But, like, the nice kind who always listens to everyone else’s ideas before making a decision. You know what I mean?”

Connor didn’t like being so transparent, but Kevin’s words were kind, sort of, albeit masked underneath his usual arrogant delivery. The redhead nodded in agreement with a small, forgiving smile twinging at his lips.

“Anyway, so you miss ice skating with your family, huh?” Kevin continued, trying to get their conversation away from his opinions on Connor’s bossiness.

Connor shrugged. “Yeah, I mean, it was just one of our little Christmas traditions, that’s all.”

 _Little Christmas traditions_. Kevin and his mother used to have quite a few of those.

The brunette cleared his throat. “I’ve never been ice skating, you know. My dad always thought things like that were for sissies.” He shook his head with a wistful laugh. “My dad’s a real… _man’s man_ , if you know what I mean.”

“Oh.” Connor nodded in understanding, his brow creasing as he considered the comment. His eyes drifted away for a moment before turning sad. “He probably wouldn’t like me very much then, would he?”

“Probably not.” Kevin replied honestly. Turning back around to face Connor with a smirk, he looked into the other boy’s hurt eyes. “But he’s a jerk so I wouldn’t really care what he thinks.” Kevin admitted softly, causing Connor to blush just a little. “I happen to think you’re a great person, Connor McKinley.”

Connor’s eyes went wide at the unexpected compliment. Falling back on his heels a little, he used the counter to steady himself. “You—you do?” He asked nervously, his cheeks turning a little bit pinker.

“Yeah, I do.” The brunette stated simply and with a sincerity Connor didn’t often hear from the other boy.

Connor’s face burned hot with ferocity now, his heart fluttering as though a bazillion bees had just decided to start buzzing around inside his chest. He hoped to Heavenly Father that Kevin couldn’t tell the effect his words were having on him.

“Well, um, thanks. I think—I think you’re pretty great too.” The redhead tried to state nonchalantly, as though there weren’t actually a million other emotions Connor felt for Kevin Price flailing around inside him.

A small smile peeked out of Connor’s lips. “Even when you’re acting like a complete _ass_ , Kevin Price.” He added in playfully, his sparkling eyes making it clear he was only teasing.

Kevin laughed with mirth at the bittersweet compliment before nodding in agreement and turning his attention back to focus on his dough.

Thinking that their little moment was once again over when Kevin said nothing further on the matter, Connor turned around to resume kneading his dough. But, once again, Kevin surprised him.

“Connor?” Kevin asked tentatively after they continued to work on their dough for a little while longer.

“Yeah?” Connor replied as he took his Christmas tree cookie cutter and carefully began cutting the dough into little shapes.

“Those, uh…those things I said to you earlier...” Kevin stammered, not exactly sure how to go about this whole _apology_ thing. “When you, um…when you tried to wake me up this morning.”

 _Could Kevin actually be trying to apologize?_  Connor wondered silently to himself, his eyes wide. During their entire time here, Connor was pretty certain he’d never heard Kevin Price apologize to anyone.

“What about them?” Connor asked, trying his best not to give away the fact that he knew exactly where Kevin was going with this.

“Well, I, um, I didn’t—I didn’t _exactly_  mean all of them.” Kevin managed to choke out and finally turned back around to face Connor.

The redhead froze what he was doing, not quite sure he’d heard that right.

“You didn’t  _exactly_  mean all of them.” Connor repeated dryly, befuddled at how awful Kevin seemed to be at apologies. The redhead turned around to meet Kevin’s gaze, his smile gone and his eyes pressing, expectant. “What are you really trying to say to me, Kevin?”

“I, um.” Kevin shifted in place for a moment, nervously leaning to and fro from his heels to his tip toes. “I guess I’m trying to say that I, uh…” He paused for a bit, trying to collect his thoughts and finding that he just didn’t have enough courage to say what he truly felt.

Finally, Kevin just sighed and shook his head, turning back around to stare at his cookie sheet. “Never mind, just forget it.”

Connor’s heart sank a little bit as he, too, turned back around to face his little Christmas tree gingerbread cookies.

“Connor?” Kevin eventually worked up the courage to ask again after some time had passed. He was blankly staring down at his sheet of sugar cookies, not able to concentrate on them until he made things right again with Connor.

“I’m sorry.” Kevin finally whispered the words in the softest tone of voice Connor had ever heard from the other boy. Without turning around to face Connor, Kevin continued. “I’m really, really sorry.”

“Kevin?”

“Yeah?” The brunette asked worriedly as he stared down at his cookie sheet, afraid he’d somehow managed to make this worse than it already was.

“I know.”

With that, Kevin turned around to face Connor. The redhead had a small smile on his face, letting Kevin know that everything was okay.

And just like that, Kevin’s shittiest Christmas ever just got a little less shitty.

 

* * *

 

It was two days until Christmas now.

The Elders’ had all just finished gobbling up a big plateful of cookies and wrapping their Secret Santa gifts.

Kevin and Connor, stuffed to the brim from cookies and hot chocolate, were laying lazily outside in the yard, staring up at the clouds, talking. Ever since they’d bonded the other day while baking cookies, they’d found themselves spending a little more time alone together than before, just talking.

Kevin was slowly starting to realize how much he genuinely enjoyed Connor’s company. Connor was patient and caring and a good listener. No wonder they picked him to be the District Leader. He was assertive when he needed to be, of course—like when Kevin refused to go with them to pick out the Christmas Tree or when Chris tried to cheat during the Secret Santa drawing and select James’s name out of the hat—and yet, still, Connor never raised his voice at anyone. He was assertive in his own soft, yet strong, very specific Connor-like way.

Whatever it was, Kevin knew he liked it. He liked it when Connor would gently boss him around and tease him whenever he was acting like a bit of a crybaby. He liked how Connor would blush that rosy shade of soft pink whenever he'd compliment him or touch him in a certain way or did _anything_ to him, really. He liked the way Connor would try and hold back little smiles here and there at inappropriate moments, but would always fail miserably. He liked the way Connor looked when eating a giant mouthful of raw cookie dough. He liked Connor’s soulful blue eyes, his teeny tiny freckles, his crooked smile, his pale skin. He liked that Connor seemed to like him back. He liked…well, he just liked _Connor_.

Connor really enjoyed talking to Kevin too. It was weird—no matter how moody or arrogant Kevin could be sometimes, Connor never felt as though Kevin was passing judgment on him. Their conversations always just flowed honestly and free of criticism or condemnation. Connor even went so far as to tell Kevin all about the first crush he’d ever had on another boy. In turn, Kevin told him about how he used to cause mischief from time to time and then blame it on his brother, Jack. They talked about fears and Hell dreams and guilt.

Kevin empathized with Connor about his being attracted to boys and Connor laughed heartily at Kevin’s childish antics. For Connor, it all felt very freeing— _liberating_ , even. While he knew the other Elders in the house respected and liked him for who he was, he’d never felt all that comfortable talking to any of them about his romantic feelings for boys. Well, except for Chris, he supposed. But he had a pretty good hunch that Chris had those types of feelings too, especially for James.

Connor knew that him being gay made some of the other Elders feel uncomfortable, so he tried to keep conversation about it to a minimum. But, he didn’t need to do that with Kevin. No, Kevin didn’t seem to mind one bit.

Connor often wondered if Kevin had picked up on the fact that he had _those_ kinds of feelings for him. He was pretty certain that if Kevin ever did find out about Connor’s feelings, he’d probably be okay with it. Connor hoped to God he’d be okay with it. Well, he honestly hoped he’d be _more_ than okay with it, actually. Maybe even reciprocate. But, no, that was a long shot.

“Are you worried about going back home next year?” Kevin asked idly during a brief lull in their conversation about which one of them had baked the better cookie.

Kevin insisted that Connor had used too much molasses in his gingerbread cookies which is why they came out too dark and tasted kind of bitter. Connor blamed the sub-par ingredients they’d found at the market. Kevin countered that, saying that his sugar cookies used ingredients from the market too and they were _awesome_ , unlike the gingerbread. They both agreed, however, that Connor’s great-grandmother’s recipe for double-chocolate chocolate chip brownies beat all the cookies, hands down.

“You know, because of the whole gay thing and all.” Kevin added to his question as he absentmindedly pulled at the grass.

The question caught Connor a little off guard. “Oh, um, yeah, I guess. I mean, I haven’t really thought about it too much.” He bit his lip with a head shake. “I don’t really _want_ to think about it yet. I’d rather just enjoy the freedom I have now and worry about it later, I guess.”

Kevin rolled over onto his side so he could face Connor. “You aren’t actually planning on going back to how things were before though…are you?”

Connor shrugged, still staring up at the sky. “I don’t know. I mean, I might have to, once I’m back home with my parents. I don’t know yet.” He cocked his head to the side, giving Kevin a curious look. “Why?”

Kevin blushed a little before shaking his head. “Because you shouldn’t have to, that’s why. That isn’t who you really are, Connor. You should be able to just be yourself, you know? Be happy. Life isn’t worth living if you aren’t happy.”

Connor rolled over onto his side as well so he could face Kevin. His face was only a mere inch away from the other boy’s, making his stomach churn just a little. The temptation to kiss those lips gripped at him, but he refrained, of course.

“It’s not that simple, Kevin. My parents—“, Connor trailed off. “They’re old school Mormons. They’d probably kill me if they ever found out. I don’t—I don’t even know _what_ they’d do. I don’t even want to think about it. I just know there’s no way they’d ever accept me for who I really am. I know that much.”

“Well, _fuck_ them then.” Kevin spat angrily, a tiny speck of saliva landing on Connor’s cheek.

“ _Language_ , Elder Price.” Connor chastised as he wiped the bit of spit off his cheek, giving the brunette a flirtatious little poke on the nose for good measure.

“No, I mean it. _Fuck_ them.” Kevin insisted firmly, reaching over to take Connor’s hand into his own, giving it a gentle squeeze. The touch sent a little shiver down Connor’s spine. “You deserve to be happy, Connor. I know it. Arnold knows it. Chris knows it. James knows it. Everyone knows it. And, deep down, you know it too. I know you do.”

Connor chuckled at Kevin’s sweet, albeit slightly misguided, defense of his happiness.

“I’m serious.” Kevin continued, a concerned look on his face. “You can’t go back to how things were before. You just can’t.” He then gave Connor a confident grin. “I simply won’t allow it.” He asserted triumphantly, as though he had some kind of power over Connor that the other boy wasn’t aware of and could veto his decision if he so chose.

“You won’t _allow_ it?” Connor snorted in amusement. “That’s an awfully bold statement.”

“That’s right.” Kevin beamed. “And if anyone tries to mess with you, they’ll have to deal with _me_ first.”

“Can we talk about something else please?” Connor asked with a sad sigh. “Something a little less depressing?”

“Like what?”  

“Oh, I don’t know. You still haven’t told me what’s been bothering you for the past few weeks. Why don’t we start with that?” Connor offered with a cheeky grin. He’d been trying to get the truth out of Kevin for days now, to no avail.

“That isn’t less depressing, trust me.” Kevin muttered, closing his eyes.

“I still think you’d feel better if you got it off your chest.” Connor offered, returning the gentle squeeze to Kevin’s hand.

“I’d rather eat more of your God awful gingerbread cookies than talk about that right now.” Kevin replied quietly, opening his eyes.

And Connor could tell he meant every word of it.

“Fine.” The redhead sighed, giving up. He wasn’t going to press his luck with Kevin today. Another time, perhaps.

A few minutes went by in silence, both boys retreating back to lying on their backs instead of facing each other.

“So what do you think you’d be doing right now if you were back home?” Connor broke the silence first with the question.

“That isn’t less depressing either.” Kevin quickly retorted, not without sending Connor a playful side-eye.

“Stop being a butt and answer the question.” Connor sighed.

Kevin thought about it seriously for a moment, allowing his mind to replay one of the most cherished and vivid memories he had of him and his mother.

The day before Christmas Eve was usually when he and his mom would bake the cake—Kevin’s absolute favorite cake in the whole world—chocolate mousse layer cake with strawberry filling and chocolate chunks in the middle. It was the one they’d always made, every year, ever since Kevin was little, for Kevin’s birthday.

They had their own little Christmas /slash/ birthday tradition, Kevin and his mother. They would wake up really early two days before Christmas and have a cup of hot cocoa together in the kitchen. Then they would bake his chocolate birthday cake together, his mother always letting Kevin eat a whole bunch of the cake batter with his fingers—well, when he was little anyway. Once he got older, he graduated to using a proper spoon to eat the batter with. Then while the cake cooled, his mother would hand him one early Christmas gift to open. Just _one_. Nobody else in his family got an early Christmas gift. And no one was allowed in on their little birthday/Christmas tradition—not his brother Jack, not his sister Amy, not his Dad— _no one_ , but him and his mother. That was just the way it always was—

_Until last year, anyway._

“My mom and I always made the cake together the day before Christmas Eve.” Kevin finally admitted quietly, almost to himself, his mind fully entrenched in replaying the memory, forgetting about Connor’s existence entirely for a brief moment. “I don’t know what I’d be doing this year.”

Connor was thoroughly confused at the comment. _Cake? What cake?_

“Sorry, did you just say ‘the cake’?” Connor asked in bewilderment after Kevin provided no further explanation on the subject. “Like a Christmas cake or something?”

Kevin’s eyes shot open once he realized he’d actually been talking out loud. He sat up with a jolt and hopped to his feet. “I, um, I have to go pee now—or something. I’ll see you later, Connor.”

And with that, Kevin rushed back inside, leaving Connor outside—alone and utterly confused.

 

* * *

 

When Kevin didn’t come out of his room for the rest of the day, Connor was honestly dumbfounded. He had no idea what kind of memory or negative thought he’d triggered in the other boy while they were hanging out earlier or what was going on in his head. What he did now realize, though, was that something was definitely wrong with Kevin Price. Something was clearly hurting him and Connor wanted to get to the bottom of it.

“Knock knock.” Connor called softly to Kevin as he tapped lightly on the door, repeating Kevin’s words from the other day. He poked his head into the room. “Kev? Can I come in?”

The lights were off. Kevin was laying in his bed, dressed down into his temple garments, staring blankly at a half-filled cup of black coffee on the nightstand.

When Kevin didn’t answer, Connor cautiously walked over to him and sat down on the bed by his legs, reaching out an arm and gently curling it around Kevin’s middle.

“Kevin?”

The brunette sighed. It sounded pained and miserable. “What do you _want_ , Connor?”

Connor tried not to let the other boy’s harsh tone of voice get to him this time. He knew now, on some level, that Kevin was just hurting. That’s all. He was just hurting. Hurting for what reason, Connor had no idea, but his gut told him that whatever _this_ was, whatever was causing Kevin to act this way—it had nothing at all to do with him.

“I just wanted to see how you were feeling and ask if you felt like talking to me about anything.” Connor answered honestly, his voice gentle. “You seemed fine earlier today, when we were outside, and then suddenly…you weren’t anymore.”

Connor’s voice was kind and caring and soft— _so_ soft, that it almost made Kevin actually _want_ to just divulge his feelings to the other boy, but still, he resisted.

“I feel just fine and, no, I _really_ don’t want to talk right now.” Kevin insisted, curling up further into the bed. “Can you please just leave me alone? I promise I’ll come out later, I just—I just really need to be alone right now, that’s all.”

“No, I’m not leaving you alone. Not this time.” Connor replied simply, giving Kevin’s torso a gentle squeeze. “This time I’m not leaving until you talk to me about what’s really been bothering you, Kevin. Whatever this is, you need to just let it out. This isn’t healthy, keeping it all inside and hiding in your room. You need to just get it _out_ of yourself. Talking about it will make you feel better, I promise.”

“Coming from someone who’s spent his entire life turning it off, that isn’t very convincing, Connor.” Kevin tried to angrily spit out, but Connor could tell his voice was wavering slightly. “Now please just get out of my room and leave me alone, okay?”

“No. You’re the one who keeps telling me I shouldn’t turn off my feelings anymore, remember? That it isn’t healthy and that I deserve to be happy.” Connor reminded him pointedly as he ran a gentle hand up and down over Kevin’s side. “Well, the same goes for you too, you know.” Connor leaned in to give Kevin a warm smile, but the other boy just curled deeper into his pillows.

After a few minutes of quiet, Connor finally stood up. Kevin sighed sadly, thinking the redhead was going to finally leave.

On one hand, he wanted Connor to leave. He really did. He didn’t want to talk about his feelings or his mother or about how Christmas just wasn’t the same anymore since she’s been gone. He didn’t want to cry in front of the boy he maybe had a crush on. He didn’t want to appear weak or pathetic or in need of help.

But the truth was, Kevin didn’t really want Connor to leave. Not yet. He wanted to tell him the story about what happened that was making him so sad, wanted to get the feelings and pain and emotion out of himself. He wanted Connor to hold him and whisper things like “It’ll be okay” and “Shhh, there, there” because he knew Connor was the type of person who would whisper soothing things like that to someone who was crying.

But to Kevin’s surprise, Connor didn’t leave him alone. Instead, the redheaded boy crawled up into the bed next to Kevin and wrapped a secure arm around his waist. Kevin felt the other boy move his hand around the sheet in search of something, Connor’s hand only stopping it’s search once it found Kevin’s hand and interlaced their fingers together. He squeezed Kevin’s hand tightly, reassuringly, letting him know that everything was okay—that _this_ was okay.

Kevin then felt Connor’s warm breath tickling the back of his neck as he pulled Kevin into him closer. Connor began to whisper soothing words into Kevin’s ear and, with that, the great, stoic Kevin Price suddenly lost it—lost all of his self-control. He began to sob uncontrollably—wrenching, shuddering in Connor’s arms. Connor gasped in shock at the sudden outburst of tears and moved to wrap his arms even more snugly around the other boy. Kevin could hear Connor whispering all of the sweet, soothing reassurances he knew he’d whisper because he was the type of person who whispered sweet things in crying boys’ ears.

“Kevin, sweetie, it’s okay. It’s all okay, just let it out, alright? Let it all out.” Connor cooed softly into Kevin’s ear. Connor could feel Kevin shuddering and convulsing in his arms, prompting Connor to squeeze the boy even tighter, bringing him closer into his warmth, attempting to soothe him.

Connor had no idea what was happening inside of Kevin’s head, but he knew that whatever it was—it  was finally coming _out_ of him and that was a good thing. Connor knew the pain had to come out of him first before he’d be able to feel any better. Connor ached to know the reason behind all of Kevin’s pain, but he supposed he would find out soon enough. For now, he was content to just hold Kevin close, letting him cry into his chest, while telling him over and over again that everything was going to be _alright_.

“You have to breathe, okay?” Connor advised worriedly after a while. Continuous sobs had been pouring out of his friend for some time now and it seemed as though Kevin was starting to hyperventilate. Connor could feel Kevin begin to choke and heave in his arms—the boy desperately needed to breathe.

“Take a deep breath with me, okay? _In_.” Connor instructed and, to his surprise, Kevin actually listened right away and inhaled a shaky breath. “Now, _out_.” Kevin did as he was told again, repeating the action several more times at Connor’s prodding.

“There you go. Feel better?” Connor asked softly into Kevin’s ear, snuggling his body deeper into the boy next to him. At some point, Kevin had turned around and buried his face into Connor’s shirt.

Kevin nodded sadly into Connor’s chest, but stayed quiet for a long while after. The redhead’s hands kept moving up and down Kevin’s back, slowly, the rhythmic motion calming Kevin down a bit.

“I’m sorry.” Kevin mumbled into Connor’s chest after a long time.

“There’s no reason to apologize, Kevin.” Connor assured softly, rubbing the other boy’s back for comfort. “No reason to apologize at all.”

“I didn’t want you to see me like this.” Kevin sniffled, gripping onto Connor’s back. “That’s why I told you to leave. I don’t like people seeing me—seeing me like this.” He hiccupped, closing his eyes with another sniffle as he took in the calming sensation of Connor’s hands gently caressing his back. “I hate it.”

“That’s silly, Kevin.” Connor’s voice was soft as he spoke into Kevin’s ear. “Everybody cries sometimes. Everybody. I’m pretty sure even God cries once in a while. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Kev. I promise.”

Another hiccup. “It’s still embarrassing.”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Connor smirked, squeezing Kevin a little bit closer. “It’s sort of comforting to know that even the perfect Kevin Price cries once in a while.” Connor’s smile widened as he felt Kevin let out a small chuckle in his arms.

“I’m just teasing.” Connor smiled sadly. “To tell you the truth, I hate seeing you like this. It breaks my heart.” Connor whispered honestly. “But I’m still glad you trust me enough to let me help you. And I’m glad you’re finally letting it out.”

They laid together like that for a while until Kevin finally calmed down enough to talk.

“You probably want to know why I’ve been acting like such an asshole lately.” Kevin pulled back a little with a sniffle. “Right?”

Connor thought about Kevin’s statement for a moment before answering.

“No.” Connor said slowly. “I want to know what’s been making you so sad and depressed lately.” He smirked, giving Kevin’s hair a playful tousle. “And thus making you act like an asshole.”

Kevin managed to smile weakly through the tears at Connor’s quip. The redhead leaned in and instinctively wiped a tear from Kevin’s eye with his thumb, only realizing he had done so when he noticed Kevin giving him a weird look. Not a disapproving look, just a _look_.

“Tomorrow is my birthday.” Kevin blurted out all of a sudden as he fearfully gazed into Connor’s eyes. He didn’t know what made him burst out with the truth like that all of a sudden, but he was pretty sure it had something to do with the way Connor was looking at him—Connor’s blue eyes were caring and soft and sweet. More importantly though, they looked genuinely concerned about what was happening to Kevin.

The brunette continued through sniffles. “Tomorrow’s my twentieth birthday, on Christmas Eve. I’m a Christmas baby and I—I usually spend the day before my birthday with my mother. We had these little things we’d always used to do, ya know?” He paused for a moment to let Connor take in this new information. “Like little birthday traditions.” He looked down now, averting his eyes from Connor’s in embarrassment, his cheeks blushing.

“Oh, no, Kevin.” Connor exhaled sadly, his face suddenly pained. “I should’ve…I should’ve known it was your birthday. I—I have everyone’s paperwork and information and everything on file—oh _God_. I should’ve _looked_ , I should’ve known!” He cursed himself repeatedly for not knowing. How could he not have known? It was—well, _used_ to be—his job to know things like that. “We could’ve done something, had a party or something like that.” A small tear rolled down Connor’s cheek that he wiped away quickly. “I’m so sorry, Kevin. I let you down, didn’t I?”

Kevin laughed sadly at Connor’s sweet concern about his birthday. “No, no, Connor, you don’t understand. I—I wasn’t saying that to make you feel bad or anything. Just—just listen, okay?”

“Oh.” Connor nodded sadly, but his eyes seemed a bit confused. “Okay.”

“My—my mother and I used to bake my birthday cake today, every year. The day before my birthday. She’d wake me up really early and we’d have hot chocolate together and then she’d let me have an early Christmas gift. Just one. Then we’d make my birthday cake, my favorite cake.” Kevin’s breath suddenly hitched in his throat as he recalled the memory, Connor cupping the boy’s face in his hand in response, wiping away fresh tears with his thumb.

“Was it chocolate? The cake?” Connor asked knowingly, trying to distract Kevin from any more sad thoughts. “I bet it was chocolate.”

Kevin laughed as a few tears rolled down his cheek and into Connor’s hand. He nodded. “Of course it was chocolate!”

He liked that Connor remembered little things like that about him—like the fact that he loved chocolate and snow but hated pineapple and that his favorite board game was Candyland.

“I was the only one who was allowed to have a taste of the cake before my birthday.” Kevin went on. “She’d always let me take an early bite.” He hiccupped and averted his eyes away from Connor’s. “Then on Christmas Eve, on my birthday, we’d always go outside and play in the snow. We’d make an igloo or a snowman or something like that each year. Even after I got older, we still kept doing it anyway. I don’t know why. It was just one of those weird mother-son things, you know? Like, it didn’t seem to matter how old I got, we always did it anyway.” He paused with a small chuckle. “This all probably sounds incredibly lame, doesn’t it? I swear, it wasn’t as lame as it sounds when I actually say it out loud like this.”

“It doesn’t sound lame.” Connor laughed sadly, reaching up to thumb a circle under Kevin’s eye, pushing the tears away. “None of what you’re telling me sounds lame at all, Kevin. It sounds sweet and wonderful. Your mom clearly loves you so much. To be honest, I’m a little jealous.” Connor smiled sadly for a moment. “You’re a lucky guy. She obviously loves you a great deal, Kevin.”

 _Loves_.

And with that, a burst of fresh tears exploded out of Kevin’s eyes. Connor didn’t know what he said to elicit that kind of reaction, but he knew that whatever it was, triggered another unpleasant memory for Kevin.

“I’m sorry!” Connor yelped as he gripped tightly onto Kevin and held him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—I didn’t mean to say anything wrong–”

Kevin shook his head, pulling his tear-strained face out from Connor’s chest. “Don’t be sorry, Connor. Don’t be sorry. You didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know what?” Connor asked, his eyes glassy and so confused.

“Last year, there was no snow.” Kevin continued on with his story through tearful gasps, as though he hadn’t heard Connor’s question at all. “For the first time in a long time, there was no snow.”

“Shhhh. Take a deep breath. You’re doing great, sweetie.” Connor cooed, trying to help Kevin catch his breath again. After a couple of seconds, Kevin’s breathing steadied and he was able to go on.

“Last year, there wasn’t any snow on Christmas Eve for the first time in a long time, so we couldn’t go outside and play in the snow like we’d usually do.” Kevin stuttered out through tears. “So my mom—she—she had my dad take me and my brother and my sister out for ice cream and play skee-ball.” Kevin hiccupped, looking into Connor’s attentive eyes. “We were out of the house for hours. Then when I got home, I walked into my room and there were—there were at least a hundred little paper snowflakes hanging from my ceiling.” He laughed sadly at the recollection, tears running down his cheeks. “Somehow, they were all different too. She’d cut out all different types of snowflakes and hung them in my room so I’d have snow on my birthday. Then I looked over at my door and she even made me a little sign out of white paper that said ‘Happy Birthday, Kevin’.” A new burst of sobs suddenly erupted from Kevin as Connor pulled him into his chest. The boy in his arms blubbered uncontrollably, breaking down again into incoherent mumbles.

The sight of Kevin completely falling apart in his arms had practically cracked Connor’s heart in two. He felt his adrenaline surge every time Kevin sobbed, the sight before him crushing every last vestige of happiness he’d been able to muster thus far.

“Shhh, it’s okay, Kevin. It’s okay, just breathe. That’s it.” He soothed, his hands slowly rubbing his back, trying desperately to clam him down.

After a few moments, Kevin picked himself back up enough to continue. “Then…she was cooking my birthday dinner and it had begun to snow.” A hiccup. “For real, this time. Not the paper snow.”

“Got it.”

“While she was cooking, she realized she’d forgotten to get hot dogs from the store. She always made me hot dogs on my birthday because they’re my—they’re my favorite.” Kevin wiped furiously at his eyes, trying to stop so many tears from falling, but it was no use. “My dad told her it was starting to get bad out there, the snow, but she didn’t listen. Her—her Kevin needed his—“, Kevin took in a sharp breath, fresh tears pouring from his eyes. “Her Kevin needed his birthday—hot—hot dogs.”

And with that, Connor’s body froze, turning to ice. He suddenly knew exactly how this story was going to end and it completely ripped his heart out of chest.

“Kevin.” Connor whispered hoarsely as he tried his best to wipe the rapidly falling tears from Kevin’s cheeks. “Oh, no…no, Kevin, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry—” He repeated over and over again, pulling Kevin into him and holding him close.

Kevin never did get to finish the rest of his story. But then again, he didn’t much need to. Connor already knew how the story ended. His mother never did come back with the hot dogs for her Kevin.

It broke Connor’s heart into millions of little pieces and he began crying softly along with Kevin. Eventually, their sobs turned into whimpers and finally, to occasional sniffles.

“Thank you.” Kevin eventually sniffled and wiped his wet cheeks against Connor’s shirt. He pulled his head out of Connor’s chest and gazed into his eyes. “For listening to me and staying with me and everything.”

“Anytime.” Connor whispered with a sad smile and pulled Kevin back into his warmth.

Connor stayed in the bed with Kevin all night long, watching as the brunette finally fell asleep at about eleven pm. He couldn’t help but allow his hand to run gentle caresses through Kevin’s hair. He just wanted to soothe him, make him feel safe. At some point, Arnold came in to go to sleep. He saw Connor laying next to Kevin in the bed and opened his mouth to say something, but managed to refrain and instead just went to sleep as well.

Midnight eventually rolled around—it was now Kevin Price’s twentieth birthday.

“Happy birthday, Kev.” Connor whispered sadly to the sleeping figure of Kevin Price. Leaning over, he pressed a soft kiss to Kevin’s red, puffy eyelid, swollen from crying. They both slept next to each other in Kevin’s bed with broken hearts, Connor holding Kevin close and not letting him go until the sun the came up.

 

* * *

 

“Psst.” Connor whispered to Arnold as the boy exited the bathroom, fresh from his morning shower. Connor had been standing outside the door to Kevin and Arnold’s room for the past twenty minutes waiting for Arnold to emerge from his leisurely shower.

“Hey!” Arnold exclaimed when he saw McKinley. “Dude, what the Hell was going on last night? You were in Kevin’s bed!”

“Shhh!” Connor cupped his hand over Arnold’s mouth, silencing him. “I don’t want Kevin to wake up. Now listen to me, I don’t have much time.”

Arnold nodded, Connor’s hand still firmly pressed over Arnold’s mouth. “What’s up?” The chubbier boy mumbled into the hand.

Connor reluctantly removed his hand, only to raise it again when saw Arnold was about to speak.

“Listen, Arnold, this is important. I need you to get Kevin out of the house today.”

“Huh?”

“I mean, just for a few hours today. Get him out of here for a few hours today.” Connor clarified anxiously. “Can you do that for me?”

“Uhh, I guess?” Arnold replied quizzically. He shook his head. “But why? What for? What’s going on?”

“It’s Kevin’s birthday.” Connor stated matter-of-factly, immediately moving to cover Arnold’s mouth again when he saw the boy was about to go into hysterics. “I’ll remove my hand from your mouth if you promise not to shout. Can you do that?”

Arnold nodded, Connor slowly removing his hand. Clasping his hands over his own mouth, Arnold shook his head in shock.

“I can’t believe it’s my best friend’s birthday and I didn’t even know about it!” The chubby boy whisper-yelled, clearly appalled. “How did you find out? Why didn’t he tell anyone? I didn’t get him a present! Well, I mean, I got him a Christmas present, but that doesn’t count if it’s his birthday too. Should I have gotten him two presents? What’s the protocol for that?!”

Connor let out an exasperated sigh. “Forget about all that. I just need you to get Kevin out of here while I get some things ready, okay?”

“But—but why didn’t he tell us anything? Why’d he keep it a secret?”

“I don’t have time to go into that right now. Just trust me, okay? I have a surprise for Kevin and I just need you to get him out of here for a while so I can prepare everything. Please just do this for me, Arnold.” Connor begged. “Please. It’s important. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t.”

Arnold nodded and gave Connor a military salute. “Ay-ay, captain!” He exclaimed before running back into his and Kevin’s room to change and make up some wild, crazy excuse to Kevin on why they needed to get out of the house all day.

Connor sighed in relief and collapsed back against the wall. Now all he needed to do was bake Kevin a chocolate cake, cut out hundreds of little paper snowflakes, somehow find American hot dogs in this god forsaken village, and get Kevin a birthday gift. _Easy peasy_.

Okay, maybe not so easy.

 

* * *

 

Connor couldn’t find any actual hot dogs, as he knew them in America, but he was able to get the village butcher to concoct something _sort of_ resembling them. Connor cooked one for himself and tried it just to make sure it wasn’t completely gross. It actually tasted pretty decent. He was even able to find some sort of rolls too. He prepared giant heaping plates of “hot dogs” in rolls, baked potatoes, macaroni and cheese and snacks for all the Elders.

 _Hot Dogs…check._ Connor thought as he crossed it off his list. _Snacks, check._

For the cake, he’d managed to scrounge up enough flour and leftover chocolate to make a chocolate cake for Kevin. He couldn’t make the mousse or the sweet strawberry filling Kevin had mentioned was always in his favorite cake, but Connor tried a bite of it and it didn’t taste half bad. He made icing out of butter and sugar. All in all, it was pretty yummy. As a little extra personal touch, Connor used the white icing to craft a Mickey Mouse in the middle, equipped with two mouse ears and a round head.

_Cake, check._

For the gift, he managed to find out who Kevin’s Secret Santa was and everyone was okay with giving Kevin his gift early. There was no way he’d be able to find another present in time.

_Present, check._

Connor had Michaels and Davis make a “Happy Birthday, Kevin” sign out of paper and strung it across the wall of the living room.

_Happy birthday sign, check._

And last but not least, Connor enlisted all of the other Elders in making all different kinds of white and blue paper snowflakes, covered in sparkling glitter, of course. This part of Kevin’s surprise was a little too personal, Connor thought, so he didn’t tell the others what the paper snow was going to be used for. This one would just have to stay between himself and Kevin (well and Arnold too, he supposed, since they shared a room that was about to get covered in paper snowflakes). In addition to the snowflakes, Connor quickly cut up some green Christmas trees and glitterized them.

After everyone was done with their snowflakes and the glitter glue had all dried, Connor collected everyone’s creations. He excused himself from the group and hid out in Kevin and Arnold’s room for the next hour. He used a stepstool and massive amounts of tape to get everything to hang from the ceiling. It wasn’t easy, but by the time he was done, the room looked beautiful. Well, to Connor, hundreds of glittery snowflakes and trees were beautiful. He hoped Kevin would think so too.

_Paper snow and glitter trees, check._

Once their hard work was done, all of the Elders sat around the living room, staring at giant heaping plates of not-hot dogs and other snack foods, nervously awaiting Kevin and Arnold’s arrival.

Connor just hoped Kevin wouldn’t cry. Not because he didn’t think it was okay to cry, but he knew Kevin would get embarrassed if all of the other Elders saw him crying. All Connor wanted was for Kevin’s twentieth birthday to be the happiest of all his birthdays to date. Well, even if not the happiest, _one_ of the happiest.

Fingers crossed, Connor anxiously awaited his arrival, hoping his actions wouldn’t come off as too forward or stupid or inconsiderate or affectionate or a million other worries he had floating around his head.

 

* * *

 

By the time Kevin and Arnold got home, it was almost six pm. Connor had to keep reheating the food because it kept getting cold and the Elders were all getting a bit antsy just waiting around, doing nothing but talking and idly playing board games.

Then suddenly Connor heard the distant sounds of Arnold and Kevin bickering, much like they always did. Kevin was almost to the door. _Finally._

“Guys, he’s home!” Connor called out excitedly to the group. “Okay, shhhhh! Turn out the lights and get ready.” He whispered happily to the Elders, who all promptly obliged and got into their assigned positions.

As Kevin and Arnold opened up the door, the entire house screamed “ _SURPRISE!_ ” at Kevin, much to the birthday boy’s obvious shock. It took him a minute to understand what was even going on, but as soon as he saw the happy birthday banner on the wall and the heaping plates of food and the birthday present sitting on the table and Connor’s freckled face smiling extra bright and all the Elders standing around, waiting to give him hugs, it all caught up with him at once.

 _Oh my God. Don’t cry._ He told himself. _Don’t cry._

He somehow managed to refrain from bawling his eyes out, though his eyes did look a _little_ glassy. One by one, all of the Elders took turns wishing him a happy birthday and giving him friendly hugs. Finally, it was Connor’s turn.

The redhead’s eyes had inadvertently welled up with tears at the sight of Kevin looking so happy about his surprise birthday party. As Kevin met Connor’s eyes from across the room, the brunette could see a lone tear rolling down Connor’s cheek. Kevin instantly ran over to Connor and pulled him into an urgent embrace, squeezing him so tight, Connor thought he might pop.

“Whoa, go easy there, Kev.” Connor laughed into Kevin’s neck. He closed his eyes and gave Kevin a loving squeeze. “Happy birthday.”

As Kevin pulled back from the hug, Connor could see there were tears streaming down his face now. But they were happy tears. Kevin’s giant grin gave way to the fact that they were definitely happy tears.

 _Happy tears are okay_ , Connor thought to himself.

“You’re amazing.” Kevin whispered so softly, no one else could hear him but Connor. He reached up and brushed away one of Connor’s rogue tears with his thumb, causing the redhead’s face to flush just a little. Connor could tell Kevin wanted to say more to him, so much more, but was holding back. He supposed they’d talk about it later, once they could be alone.

Connor wiped at his eyes with a sniffle and pointed to the food. “I tried _so_ hard to find hot dogs, Kevin, but they don’t seem to exist around here. These were the closest things I could find. I tried one earlier and it wasn’t too bad. I covered them in cheese and other yummy stuff so hopefully they’ll be okay.”

Kevin beamed and grabbed one, taking a huge bite. “Mmmm!” He hummed, closing his eyes for a moment. “Almost like the real thing!”

Connor relaxed a little once Kevin and the other Elders gradually started eating their hot dogs and potatoes and snack foods. They all laughed together, sitting around the living room next to the Christmas tree, telling funny stories and goofing off like young boys do. Kevin’s smile didn’t falter once throughout the entire party—not even once.

About two hours later, Connor brought out the cake and Kevin had to try not to tear up when he saw the Mickey Mouse Connor had made out of icing. He knew the cake wasn’t going to taste exactly like his mother’s, but that didn’t matter. Connor’s icing Mickey made it pretty much the best birthday cake he’d ever had.

Finally, it was about nine pm and the party was well under way, but it was slowly settling into a more calm gathering rather than a rowdy affair. Connor saw Kevin standing alone by the Christmas tree, turning one of Connor’s many handmade decorations over in his hand.

“Hey, you.” Connor whispered to Kevin as he excitedly tapped the other boy’s back. “I have something to show you, come ‘ere.”

Connor pulled a highly confused Kevin into the bedroom he shared with Arnold.

When Kevin walked into the room, he let out a shocked gasp. He was completely taken aback at the sight in front of him. The ceiling was dangling with hundreds of shiny, twinkling paper snowflakes and glittery paper Christmas trees. Kevin’s breath caught in his throat as he gazed around the room in awe. He didn’t exactly realize it, but tears had started to run down his face again.

“I hope it’s not too much.” Connor spoke up timidly. He was leaning back against the door, watching on anxiously as Kevin gazed around the room in wonder. “I mean, I know this was something special between you and your mom and all, so I hope this isn’t too weird or anything. I just thought…well, since we’re in Uganda and it’s obviously not snowing outside that you might like a little snow brought to you in here.”

Connor’s voice was soft and scared and unsure as he watched Kevin wander around the room. Kevin’s eyes looked sad but also amazed and happy and in awe at the same time.

“I know your mom’s didn’t have the glitter trees, I just thought since I’m not your mom, that I’d add something a little diff—“

And then suddenly, Kevin was standing directly in front of Connor, his eyes dripping wet with tears. Before Connor could say anything further, the redhead felt himself being embraced and pushed up against the door. Kevin then pressed his lips against Connor’s with an insatiable hunger that he’d never felt before in his entire life, as though all of the tiny, little amazing things about Connor McKinley suddenly added up into one giant big obvious thing that he needed to express as urgently as possible—more urgent than escaping a burning building or taking a bite of food after not having eaten for weeks. He felt possessed, out of control. There was an emergent quality to Kevin’s kiss—his lips desirous and hungry, as though he were literally trying to climb into Connor’s soul so he could devour him from the inside out.

“Whoa.” Connor gasped in shock once Kevin finally pulled back for a second, only to come right back in for another kiss.

“Mmmm.” The redhead moaned through the kiss, shaking his head and tapping on Kevin’s back, trying to get him to step back for just a moment. They needed to talk about this. “Kevin.” He mumbled through the kiss. “Kevin, calm down.”

Finally, Kevin obliged with a loud, breathless gasp as he lifted his lips from Connor’s. They both stared at each other for a moment—their faces dumb and glowing.

“So, I guess you like the snowflakes then?” Connor finally asked with a chuckle. “How about the glitter trees? You like them too?”

“They’re amazing and my party is amazing and _you’re_ amazing and I don’t even know how I didn’t realize this before but I—I have so many feelings for you, Connor. I have _so_ many crazy feelings for you and they’re all just like coming at me all at once right now and I don’t—I don’t even know what to—“, Kevin was cut off by a slender, pale finger pressing itself to his lips.

“Breathe.”

Kevin finally breathed in. “—do.”

Connor smiled and lifted his finger off Kevin’s lips. He pulled the other boy’s head down so their foreheads knocked together. “It’s okay, Kevin. This—this is okay. Everything you’re feeling is okay.”

“It is?” Kevin asked with wide, hopeful eyes. “I mean, I think it is. But you think it is?”

Connor nodded with a mirthful laugh. “I do.” He paused for a moment, taking a second to look deep into Kevin’s eyes. “I like you, silly. I don’t know how you didn’t catch on before, but I like you a lot. I have for a really long time now. I never thought in a million years you’d feel the same way about me, but I sure do like you, Kevin Price.”

“You do?” Kevin asked again, his grin now bright as the sun. “That’s good to hear because I like you too, Connor McKinley. I like you a lot, in fact.”

“I didn’t know you were…I mean, I didn’t know you had _those_ kinds of feelings for—for boys.” Connor managed to choke out, not wanting to ruin the moment or anything, but he was curious. “You’ve never mentioned it, so I just assumed you didn’t.”

Kevin shook his head. “I didn’t know either until literally just now. Well, maybe I had an idea. I don’t know.” He paused for a second and breathed in. “I might need some time to figure this whole thing out, but I do know that I really like _you_ , Connor.”

“We’ll be able to talk about everything and figure it all out together, don’t worry.” Connor laughed and ran his fingers gently through Kevin’s hair. “But right now, what do you say we go out and rejoin the party, huh?” He ruffled Kevin’s hair for good measure, trying to lighten the mood. “There’s a present waiting for you that you haven’t opened yet.”

Kevin beamed stupidly and took a moment to gaze longingly at Connor. “I thought this Christmas was going to be the worst Christmas I’ve ever had—the first Christmas without my mom. I thought my birthday wouldn’t even feel like a birthday, without her being here and all. And it is sad and I’m sad because she’s gone and that pain will never, ever go away, but being here with you…all of this—”, He gestured to nothing, but Connor knew what he meant. “—makes it a thousand times better. Because I’m with _you_. _You_ make it better. You make everything better.”

And with that, Kevin pressed Connor back into the door and laid a soft kiss to his lips, slower this time, with a little more care and restraint than the last time. He reached up and cupped Connor’s face into his hand and thumbed soft little circles into his cheek. As he turned his head, their noses bumped together, making Connor giggle just a little.

“I promise I’ll get better at this.” Kevin whispered into Connor’s mouth. “The whole kissing thing, I mean.”

“Don’t worry.” Connor grinned coyly. “We’ll have lots and lots of time to practice.”

“Yeah?” Kevin asked sweetly and placed a soft kiss to Connor’s pink little nose.

“Mmm hmmm.” Connor hummed. “Years, I hope. If I’m lucky.” He added with a wink.

“Maybe.” Kevin grinned teasingly with a gentle squeeze of Connor’s hips. “As long as you don’t make me eat any more of your God awful gingerbread cookies.” He playfully stuck his tongue out at Connor before leaning in and giving him one more kiss on the nose.

With that, Connor rolled his eyes and pulled Kevin out the door, back to the party, where he’d be showered in presents (well, present singular) and love and chocolate and finish out one of the best birthdays he’d ever had with his friends and new boyfriend. Kevin and Connor would fall asleep on the couch together, later that night, next to their not-Christmas tree and not-Christmas stockings, snuggled close together, Kevin sleeping soundly wrapped up in Connor’s arms.

And just like that, everything would start to feel _okay_ again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed the story, let me know! Kudos/comments always appreciated (alright, let's be real, they make my goddamn day). ^_^


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